The Alibi

Hydration. Closure. Plausible deniability. All in one bottle.

This is not just a water bottle. This is a statement. A tombstone. A legal disclaimer. A whole personality in 17oz of premium insulated stainless steel.

The gothic graveyard aesthetic paired with the completely unhinged alibi disclaimer at the bottom is the kind of attention to detail that separates good dark humour from great dark humour. Whoever designed this thought of everything — including your legal defence.

It keeps your drinks cold for hours, which is frankly more than your ex ever did for you. Emotionally or otherwise.

Perfect for: Women in their unbothered era, anyone who has upgraded significantly since their last relationship, true crime fans who also need to stay hydrated, people whose exes had it coming theoretically speaking, and anyone whose response to a breakup was to absolutely thrive.

Carry it to the gym, the office, brunch with the girls — anywhere you want to silently communicate that you have moved on, you are doing great, and you maintain your alibi for all legal purposes.

 Conscience unclear.