{"product_id":"the-alibi","title":"The Alibi","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHydration. Closure. Plausible deniability. All in one bottle.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is not just a water bottle. This is a statement. A tombstone. A legal disclaimer. A whole personality in 17oz of premium insulated stainless steel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe gothic graveyard aesthetic paired with the completely unhinged alibi disclaimer at the bottom is the kind of attention to detail that separates good dark humour from \u003cem\u003egreat\u003c\/em\u003e dark humour. Whoever designed this thought of everything — including your legal defence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eIt keeps your drinks cold for hours, which is frankly more than your ex ever did for you. Emotionally or otherwise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/strong\u003e Women in their unbothered era, anyone who has upgraded significantly since their last relationship, true crime fans who also need to stay hydrated, people whose exes had it coming theoretically speaking, and anyone whose response to a breakup was to absolutely thrive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCarry it to\u003c\/strong\u003e the gym, the office, brunch with the girls — anywhere you want to silently communicate that you have moved on, you are doing great, and you maintain your alibi for all legal purposes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e Conscience unclear.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"insulte","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51788480118916,"sku":"3008116_10798","price":59.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1001\/6614\/0036\/files\/MUAlibi01.png?v=1777797707","url":"https:\/\/insulte.net\/products\/the-alibi","provider":"insulte","version":"1.0","type":"link"}